and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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