My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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