I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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