Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
