the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
