I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
