these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
