u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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