I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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