I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
