i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
