I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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