My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
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Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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