Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
