woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He better not be in your backpack
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
