I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize