the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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