I faked an abortion last night.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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