He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
