just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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