woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
