You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
