What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
