woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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