Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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