thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
