i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think my moral compass just broke
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
