i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
