he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
