So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
