She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize