i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us