Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.