I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.