hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
