Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
