If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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