Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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