I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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