I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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