no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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