Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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