i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So many bounce houses so little time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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