I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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