I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
