I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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