Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize