Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
