She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
