I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
