This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
