So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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