wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
