You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
