Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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