if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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