tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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