Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
