i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
