I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
...so i touched it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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