I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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