The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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