I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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