he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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