I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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