I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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