I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
